Cause & Effect

Positive Thinking

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” (Isaac Newton).

Newton’s third law of physics has a great deal to do with every part of our being.  While this quote seems scientific in nature and may be a bit intimidating to those of us who do not have a background in such lofty studies, we all have an understanding of what Newton said, as we all have life experience.  Newton’s law is going to assist us with the discussion this week, as we are going to be discovering how positive thinking can impact cause and effect and contribute to our overall well-being: as we consider knowledge gained in the past, traverse instinctively through the present, and move forward toward the unknown future.

In the last post, we discussed reaction and response.  Everything we think affects our behavior.  If we take a step back from a moment in time and think about each happening, we can probably pinpoint when a situation went right or wrong.  We can discover how events took place.  We can see where the cause occurred and how it affected every segment of an event. 

Cause:

1.      A person or thing that gives rise to an action, phenomenon, or condition.

2.      A principle, aim, or movement that, because of a deep commitment, one is prepared to defend or advocate.

In truth, we rarely have control over anything.  Though we like to think we have power over nearly every facet of life; the fact is that the only aspect of life we definitely have control over is ourselves.  This concept of self-control is important when considering cause and effect.  If we can train ourselves to see just one positive             element in a situation, we may be able to affect an outcome.

Effect:

1.      A change which is a result or consequence of an action or other cause.

2.      To cause (something) to happen; bring about.

When something occurs in our lives, we automatically think of what can go wrong.  We see this phenomenon in movies, read about it in books, experience this in our lives.  We see someone walking around with their pants hanging down their behinds, which I find rather unattractive, but there has to be one thing about this person we can say that is positive.  Is he handsome?  Was he polite despite his rather questionable taste in attire?  We see someone in downtown Jacksonville talking to himself and immediately come to the conclusion that he’s crazy.  Do we stop to think that this man has experienced something in his life that caused his inability to control his outbursts in public?  Have we stopped to wonder if perhaps he’s just fine the way he is?  Perhaps he has chosen to be who he is, and our own thoughts have imposed something upon him that’s not a part of him but a part of us.

We nearly get into a car accident and immediately think of all the hassle it could have caused.  We think about the possibility of the car insurance bill going up.  We think about the ramifications of how another car hitting ours would have impacted our lives.  Many of us curse the other driver, especially if they were on the phone.  I don’t blame drivers for getting upset about other’s paying attention to their phones while driving.  In my opinion, it’s one of those moves that make me want to scream and rail at everyone.  My thought pattern on this matter is that if people want to kill themselves they shouldn’t involve the rest of us.  Texting and driving is not only against the law, it’s dangerous, but there is a silver lining.  In the moment, that warping time of a car coming across the lane without a blinker and nearly hitting the passenger side of the car makes the heart race, adrenaline rushes all these different hormones through the system.  The driver of the vehicle is yelling at the other driver who nearly hit his car.  The mind races, the person’s entire being is literally fully involved in the moment.  One of the silver linings here is that the accident didn’t happen.  There is a reason for thanks.  This is a moment to lift our spiritual beings in happiness.  The other silver lining is that the person is fully engaged in the moment.  While many may not see this as a positive aspect of such an event, it is.  We are all walking around living in another moment while our bodies are in the present.  This flash of an instance might have been worrisome or fearful, depending on how we reacted to it, and I have to admit this is one of those times where a response is almost impossible.  During adrenaline induced events, we are acting on instinct, autonomic reactions are more likely to occur.  As explained above, there is very little we control in life.  However, our thoughts are our own.  Who we are and what we want to be are up to us.

When something in the world causes an effect, usually the cause is uncontrollable.  The effect, however, can be controlled.  The reasoning behind this thought pattern is that our thoughts become our actions.  If I’m yelling at a driver who just truly pissed me off.  Yes, I’m living in that moment, fully engaged in it, but am I still paying attention to what is going on around me?  Can I be the one to nearly cause an accident because my focus is solely on the other driver?  If I give myself a second to offer thanks to my higher power and continue on, what have I done?  I have made an effort to think of the positive.  The cause has become less of an issue, my thought was of thanks and gratitude for a reprieve from possible bodily harm and damage to my car, and my behavior reflects that.

In the next post, we will discuss the concept of self.  Thank you for being a part of the Soul Search Café.  I look forward to continuing a learning relationship with you.  Share your comments and perspectives with us, so we can learn from you.

Until next we meet, stay encouraged and affirmed,

Nell

Reaction vs. Response

In our minds, we see ourselves as rational and reasonable beings.  Often we are.  When we write a list to run errands, we use our reasoning to make the list.  We think about what is in our linen closets, our cabinets, and under the sink.  We think about what’s in our refrigerators and pantries.  We don’t usually go to the store with some vague idea of what we want and then start shopping willy-nilly.  At the same time, most of us go birthday or Christmas shopping without a clue of what we want to buy, but we still use our reasoning by thinking of what the person we are buying for likes.  There is still some semblance of reason, understanding, and even an idea of how much we’re willing to spend.

In many ways, our reactions and responses can be compared to this idea of reasoning I have set forth so far.  The most important aspect of reaction and response is that the two words are often used interchangeably. Even the dictionary has nearly the same meaning for the words.

React:

1.     Act in response to some influence or stimulus.

2.     Undergo chemical change.

Reaction:

1.     An action performed or feeling experienced in response to a situation or event.

2.     An adverse physiological response to a substance that has been breathed in, ingested, or touched.

3.     A person’s ability to respond physically and/or mentally to external stimuli.

4.     Action or emotion caused by and directly related or counter to another action.

5.     Chemical change.

As you can see, a reaction is our way of replying to a provocation that affects us in some way.  It can be a physical, emotional, or psychological event, which usually includes conversations, natural disasters, a tragic event, and so on.  I could go on forever listing stimuli.  As we know, a stimulus is considered an object or event that arouses us in some way.  This means that this event or object has given us a reason to react or respond.

I tend to use road rage as an example because so many people can relate to it even people who can’t drive.  Think about it; I am a perpetual passenger and even I am aroused to road rage from time to time when I listen to the description of some of the events that take place while I’m blindly sitting in the passenger seat of a car or in the back of the van on my way to a destination.

Okay, so, Sarah is driving on the highway and she’s trying to get off on the next exit.  The entire time she’s been on the highway, the driver beside her in the red Toyota Camry hasn’t sped up.  This man has been behind Sarah off to the right of her car the entire time.  When Sarah clicks her blinker to take the next exit, all of a sudden, this person beside her speeds up.  All she wants to do is get off on the right exit, but this person has decided he’s not going to let her over.  He doesn’t even want to get off on the damn exit, Sarah’s thinking.  Her face is getting hot.  It’s Sarah’s first sign of anger.  She already has an idea of her own temper, but somehow, it gets the best of her, and she starts screaming at this idiot who won’t get out of her way.  Now, she’s slamming her hands against the steering wheel and blowing her horn. Sarah’s face has gone from just feeling heated to burning red with anger, and she’s cursing enough to make a sailor proud.  Every part of her energy is focused on this driver that has made her miss her exit.  She finally gets over, once he passes her, so she can get off on the next exit and backtrack to where she originally needed to be.  Something inside Sarah screams at her to ram her car into the back of his, but she just refrains herself, as she has no wish to be any later than she already is getting to work.  It doesn’t really matter anymore where she was going at this point.  If she had her way, she’d get out of her vehicle and beat this person to a pulp.  In her mind, she can just see herself doing it, and she’s even relishing the idea as her fingers clinch around the steering wheel.

Now, let’s go over this scenario because there is a need for rational thinking.  In the above paragraph, what would you consider the individual doing?  Would you describe this as a reaction or response?

The question is who is being harmed the most by Sarah’s anger.  The red Camry has driven away.  He is long gone.  Sarah is still daydreaming about beating him with a tire iron or something, while he’s merrily gone on his way.  Sarah’s rage isn’t unfounded.  Anyone who has experienced this same scenario has probably had pretty similar reactions and wanted to do the red Camry owner bodily harm.  But let’s ask the obvious question.  What would be the consequences of not only the imagined actions, but having that kind of anger riding with Sarah into work or any other destination?

The reaction that Sarah has given the Camry driver is common among drivers.  However, the only person this reaction has an impact on is Sarah.  We have no clue what the other driver was thinking, where they were going, or if it was an unconscious decision to speed up at the last-minute right when Sarah needed to get over for her exit.  We have no clue if this person just received a call on his Bluetooth with an emergency and took off in a mad dash or if he’s really a jerk who likes to block people from getting on his side of the road.  In truth, we have no clue and neither does Sarah.  If you’ll remember, Sarah’s entire thought pattern pertained to her, not to the other driver other than his being in her way.

The point is that Sarah’s reaction has given the red Toyota Camry driver more power over her next few moments and probably the rest of her day, as she’ll be recounting the incident nearly all day to rationalize her bad mood.  The thing is that he probably has no idea that he has such a profound impact on her in that moment and for the rest of her day.  He doesn’t care either because his awareness was where most people’s focus is, on himself.

While the definition for response actually uses the word reaction in it, the reply to stimuli is far different.  We use our reasoning a little more.  We make lists during those moments.  We move our thoughts away from the moment, and tend to become annoyed, but we don’t move on to frustration, anger, and reactive behaviors such as cursing, slamming our hands against the steering wheel, and shaking our fists or holding up our middle finger in a universal sign of distain.

Respond:

1.     A verbal or written answer.

2.     Reaction to something

Response:

1.     Answerable for acts or decisions.

The primary difference between reaction and response is the level of responsibility.  If you will notice, response has the word answer/answerable in its definition.  It automatically places responsibility for action and/or behavior.  A response is when we take that moment to breathe or simply put things into perspective.  As discussed in the last post, putting situations and circumstances into perspective can be helpful.  Responding uses thought and deductive reasoning.  I totally get Sarah’s reaction, but I also feel that Sarah’s reaction gave the other driver way too much power over her emotions.  A response allows us to retain our own level of power.  If I’m that angry, who do you think it’s going to affect.  My blood pressure is going to rise.  My head is probably going to ache.  My mind is going to be on that anger and the situation I feel has caused it every time I recount the event throughout the day.  I’m going to feel that same level of rage with every retelling, and I’m probably going to take that anger around with me like a cloud of misery hanging over me all day.

What comes to mind is Pooh bear holding on to a red balloon and flying through the sky with a dark cloud following him around, eventually, a lightening bolt comes out of nowhere and strikes his balloon.  To say the least, Pooh falls from the sky in a rush.  He fared a great deal better than we would, as we are not cartoon characters and can be drawn back into the next scene.  When our balloons burst, something catastrophic can happen.  Stress is far from healthy, and carrying our own little clouds of misery around can be just as dangerous as Pooh flying around with a balloon in a storm.

In the next post we will discover positive thinking and how it can aid us in our everyday life.  Thank you so much for coming to the Soul Search Café.  Please contribute to the conversation by offering your opinion and your ideas on reaction and response.  I look forward to all of your responses, so I can get a chance to learn with you.

Until next we meet, stay encouraged and affirmed,

Nell

Negativity & Perspective

When looking at the words we use in everyday life, we rarely think about what it means to be negative.  We don’t think about how our words to ourselves and others affect our life experiences.

Negative:

1.     Of a person, attitude, or situation not desirable or optimistic.

2.     Marked by denial or refusal.

3.     Showing a lack of something suspected or desirable.

4.     Denoting a complete lack of something.

5.     Having light and shadow images reversed.

Have you ever been in a grocery store and the person at the counter is rude, disinterested, or moving slower than pond water going up a hill backwards?  I’m sure we’ve all been here.  How are you feeling right about then when this person who is ringing up your items is either giving you a hard time, moving slow, or appears so disinterested that they’re putting your wet items with your dry items even after you’ve deliberately separated them?  I can just imagine the temper building in you because guess what? I’ve been there too.  Everyone has experience the feeling of wanting to scream at a cashier to “hurry up,” “don’t put that in that bag, didn’t you see I separated that for a reason,” or “you don’t have to be so rude.”  Some of us go ahead and vent right there on the cashier.  Some of us, hold those feelings in, and others of us find a way to release that pent-up energy, anger, and frustration by taking it out on others or taking it to the cashier’s manager.  All in all, there is a chain of negativity here.  In some way this person has affected that experience.  What usually crosses my mind is that the cashier must be having a pretty bad day to treat someone with little to no respect when she doesn’t know me.  I wonder if the cashier who is moving slow is in pain or simply would rather be somewhere else.  I wonder if the cashier who is indifferent has become jaded by her job.  Oh, I ask myself all kinds of questions I’ll never get the answers to, but it lessens my anger and makes me wonder how I would be at such a job.  I’m sure I’d suck, but that’s just me.

In this context, we can see how a negative event can affect us.  It’s not impossible to just let it go, but human nature isn’t built that way.  We are thoughtful creatures.  We are meant to interact with others even if we don’t like to most of the time.  Negative things happen all the time.  People run the red light on purpose an cause and accident.  People don’t watch where they are going.  They use cell phones while driving.  Someone says something mean and unkind to us.  We hear a statement and our perception of it may be the opposite of what the person meant.  So many moments in our day can be considered a negative happening.  It rained, the sky is dark, the lights got cut off, the puppy peed on the floor right before I was getting ready to leave for work.  The garbage disposal isn’t working right and everything someone puts in it unfortunately comes up in the tub.  I don’t have money for cigarettes.  I don’t have money for anything.  I could go on and on.  The thing is to put it all in perspective.

 

Negativity:

1.     The expression of criticism of or pessimism about something.

And I’m sure you’re wondering how to put it all in perspective.  Saying it that way, I make it sound easy, but the truth is that it’s not.  Trying to fit a round peg in a square opening is nearly impossible.  And, in many ways, that is what we’re trying to do when we try to push negativity out and pull in positive energy.

Perspective:

1.     View of things in their true relationship or importance.

2.     Apparent depth and distance in painting.

3.     An extensive or distant view. 

4. Lookout, prospect

Keeping situations, interactions with others, and circumstances: in perspective is something that we rarely do.  Because we often think we are right; expect better of someone we barely know and/or think we know fairly well; or believe that everyone has the same values as we do, we don’t distance ourselves enough from the event to realize that it probably wasn’t as bad as it seemed.  We forget to look for the positive in the situation.  Sometimes, we are intent on only seeing the negative, in only seeing what is lacking in a person or event.  We look at the world through our own lens and assume that everyone else’s world is built the same way.

One of the definitions of perspective is to have an extensive or distant view.  When you think about it in terms of distance, try to see it from that person’s point of view.  What if their back is hurting them, and every time they put an item over the scanner their entire back spasms?  What would you do if that were happening to you?  Being me, I probably would have wimped out and stayed home that day.  But this person probably has children.  She probably has more bills than I can count, and she’s trying to keep it all together and make ends meet for her family.  There are so many reasons for us to be miserable.  Is it appropriate for a cashier or anyone to take their difficulties out on the world around them?  Of course not, but if I were in that position, I’d want someone to give me the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe she’s just having a bad day, I wonder if I can make her smile before I leave her line.  I’ve distanced myself from the interaction and started thinking of it differently from my initial reaction, which was to snap at her to, “hurry” and “don’t talk to me like that.”  What’s the point in ruining both our days?  I’m going to walk out the store and be done with her in about ten minutes.  So, I’ll get to go home, put my feet up, and sip on one of the Diet Cokes I just purchased and probably munch on my chips while listening to a really good book if I’m lucky.  She’ll still be in the grocery store with her attitude and misery.  I’m going to be happy and probably forget about her with the first nibble of a chip.  So, what’s the point in arguing with her, making both of us feel like crap, and generally making matters worse?

While this is an ideal way of looking at things, there are times that action is needed.  In the heat of the moment, we don’t think about our actions or words.  However, thought is needed.  I tend to take a deep breath to calm myself and try to distance myself from the situation.  I do not want anything or anyone to change who I am.  I don’t want to be someone I am not in any situation.  It is not the person, event, or circumstances of my life that has control over me.  I am the only person who has control over who I am, who I will be in any given situation, or what I do and say in that situation.  If I allow someone to change who I want to be, I have made that choice.  Taking that moment to think what to do to satisfy myself with what I feel during what I see as a negative occurrence is paramount to keeping myself in control of the situation from my perspective.  If I feel wronged to the point of needing to take action, I report the incident.  I find a way that is meaningful to me to problem solve.  Allowing a person to influence me is more my fault.  As much as I’d like to blame someone else, the truth is that the fault lies with me.  No one can make me give them a negative reaction.  It is up to me to remember who I am and who I want to be.  It is up to me to respond instead of react.

     In the next post, we’ll discover the difference between reaction and response.  Thank you for being a part of the Soul Search Café.  I look forward to continuing to learn with and from all of you.  Share your comments and perspectives with us, so we can learn from you.

     

Until next we meet, stay encouraged and affirmed,

Nell