Reaction vs. Response

In our minds, we see ourselves as rational and reasonable beings.  Often we are.  When we write a list to run errands, we use our reasoning to make the list.  We think about what is in our linen closets, our cabinets, and under the sink.  We think about what’s in our refrigerators and pantries.  We don’t usually go to the store with some vague idea of what we want and then start shopping willy-nilly.  At the same time, most of us go birthday or Christmas shopping without a clue of what we want to buy, but we still use our reasoning by thinking of what the person we are buying for likes.  There is still some semblance of reason, understanding, and even an idea of how much we’re willing to spend.

In many ways, our reactions and responses can be compared to this idea of reasoning I have set forth so far.  The most important aspect of reaction and response is that the two words are often used interchangeably. Even the dictionary has nearly the same meaning for the words.

React:

1.     Act in response to some influence or stimulus.

2.     Undergo chemical change.

Reaction:

1.     An action performed or feeling experienced in response to a situation or event.

2.     An adverse physiological response to a substance that has been breathed in, ingested, or touched.

3.     A person’s ability to respond physically and/or mentally to external stimuli.

4.     Action or emotion caused by and directly related or counter to another action.

5.     Chemical change.

As you can see, a reaction is our way of replying to a provocation that affects us in some way.  It can be a physical, emotional, or psychological event, which usually includes conversations, natural disasters, a tragic event, and so on.  I could go on forever listing stimuli.  As we know, a stimulus is considered an object or event that arouses us in some way.  This means that this event or object has given us a reason to react or respond.

I tend to use road rage as an example because so many people can relate to it even people who can’t drive.  Think about it; I am a perpetual passenger and even I am aroused to road rage from time to time when I listen to the description of some of the events that take place while I’m blindly sitting in the passenger seat of a car or in the back of the van on my way to a destination.

Okay, so, Sarah is driving on the highway and she’s trying to get off on the next exit.  The entire time she’s been on the highway, the driver beside her in the red Toyota Camry hasn’t sped up.  This man has been behind Sarah off to the right of her car the entire time.  When Sarah clicks her blinker to take the next exit, all of a sudden, this person beside her speeds up.  All she wants to do is get off on the right exit, but this person has decided he’s not going to let her over.  He doesn’t even want to get off on the damn exit, Sarah’s thinking.  Her face is getting hot.  It’s Sarah’s first sign of anger.  She already has an idea of her own temper, but somehow, it gets the best of her, and she starts screaming at this idiot who won’t get out of her way.  Now, she’s slamming her hands against the steering wheel and blowing her horn. Sarah’s face has gone from just feeling heated to burning red with anger, and she’s cursing enough to make a sailor proud.  Every part of her energy is focused on this driver that has made her miss her exit.  She finally gets over, once he passes her, so she can get off on the next exit and backtrack to where she originally needed to be.  Something inside Sarah screams at her to ram her car into the back of his, but she just refrains herself, as she has no wish to be any later than she already is getting to work.  It doesn’t really matter anymore where she was going at this point.  If she had her way, she’d get out of her vehicle and beat this person to a pulp.  In her mind, she can just see herself doing it, and she’s even relishing the idea as her fingers clinch around the steering wheel.

Now, let’s go over this scenario because there is a need for rational thinking.  In the above paragraph, what would you consider the individual doing?  Would you describe this as a reaction or response?

The question is who is being harmed the most by Sarah’s anger.  The red Camry has driven away.  He is long gone.  Sarah is still daydreaming about beating him with a tire iron or something, while he’s merrily gone on his way.  Sarah’s rage isn’t unfounded.  Anyone who has experienced this same scenario has probably had pretty similar reactions and wanted to do the red Camry owner bodily harm.  But let’s ask the obvious question.  What would be the consequences of not only the imagined actions, but having that kind of anger riding with Sarah into work or any other destination?

The reaction that Sarah has given the Camry driver is common among drivers.  However, the only person this reaction has an impact on is Sarah.  We have no clue what the other driver was thinking, where they were going, or if it was an unconscious decision to speed up at the last-minute right when Sarah needed to get over for her exit.  We have no clue if this person just received a call on his Bluetooth with an emergency and took off in a mad dash or if he’s really a jerk who likes to block people from getting on his side of the road.  In truth, we have no clue and neither does Sarah.  If you’ll remember, Sarah’s entire thought pattern pertained to her, not to the other driver other than his being in her way.

The point is that Sarah’s reaction has given the red Toyota Camry driver more power over her next few moments and probably the rest of her day, as she’ll be recounting the incident nearly all day to rationalize her bad mood.  The thing is that he probably has no idea that he has such a profound impact on her in that moment and for the rest of her day.  He doesn’t care either because his awareness was where most people’s focus is, on himself.

While the definition for response actually uses the word reaction in it, the reply to stimuli is far different.  We use our reasoning a little more.  We make lists during those moments.  We move our thoughts away from the moment, and tend to become annoyed, but we don’t move on to frustration, anger, and reactive behaviors such as cursing, slamming our hands against the steering wheel, and shaking our fists or holding up our middle finger in a universal sign of distain.

Respond:

1.     A verbal or written answer.

2.     Reaction to something

Response:

1.     Answerable for acts or decisions.

The primary difference between reaction and response is the level of responsibility.  If you will notice, response has the word answer/answerable in its definition.  It automatically places responsibility for action and/or behavior.  A response is when we take that moment to breathe or simply put things into perspective.  As discussed in the last post, putting situations and circumstances into perspective can be helpful.  Responding uses thought and deductive reasoning.  I totally get Sarah’s reaction, but I also feel that Sarah’s reaction gave the other driver way too much power over her emotions.  A response allows us to retain our own level of power.  If I’m that angry, who do you think it’s going to affect.  My blood pressure is going to rise.  My head is probably going to ache.  My mind is going to be on that anger and the situation I feel has caused it every time I recount the event throughout the day.  I’m going to feel that same level of rage with every retelling, and I’m probably going to take that anger around with me like a cloud of misery hanging over me all day.

What comes to mind is Pooh bear holding on to a red balloon and flying through the sky with a dark cloud following him around, eventually, a lightening bolt comes out of nowhere and strikes his balloon.  To say the least, Pooh falls from the sky in a rush.  He fared a great deal better than we would, as we are not cartoon characters and can be drawn back into the next scene.  When our balloons burst, something catastrophic can happen.  Stress is far from healthy, and carrying our own little clouds of misery around can be just as dangerous as Pooh flying around with a balloon in a storm.

In the next post we will discover positive thinking and how it can aid us in our everyday life.  Thank you so much for coming to the Soul Search Café.  Please contribute to the conversation by offering your opinion and your ideas on reaction and response.  I look forward to all of your responses, so I can get a chance to learn with you.

Until next we meet, stay encouraged and affirmed,

Nell